


Crackers and Jam

by MarsupialsOfMars



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23465449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarsupialsOfMars/pseuds/MarsupialsOfMars
Summary: This was my April Fools post on tumblr! Remus goes a little too far...
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	Crackers and Jam

"ROMAN!"  
Roman pulled one earbud out. He could have sworn he heard his name over Beyonce's blaring voice.   
"Roman!" Footsteps pounded toward his door. They weren't stopping. He hardly had time to shield his face before his door was violently bashed open. He narrowly dodged a projectile doorknob careening toward his head.  
"Remus! This is the sixth time you've broken my door!"  
"You can just poof in a new one!"  
"It's about MANNERS Prince Alarming!" Roman flicked his fingers toward the door which instantly repaired itself.  
"Exactly, don't care, I need your attention NOW!"  
"You always do this-!"  
"Roman! This is SERIOUS."  
Roman's lecture shriveled on his tongue. Usually he would have laughed at the claim that his brother would take anything seriously, but something about the tone of his voice, the way his forehead creased with worry and his eyes bore into Roman's with such intensity...   
"What happened?"  
Remus was silent. Roman's unease grew. Usually whatever awful things Remus did he proudly admitted to. Only something downright horrendous would be able to keep him quiet. Roman held his breath as Remus shut and locked the door. He pressed his forehead to the wood a second before turning to lock eyes with his brother.  
"Do you promise you'll hear me out to the end?"  
Roman hardly had the breath in him to respond, his throat blocked with a cold lump of fear.  
"I... yes."  
He let his brother sit on his bed next to him. Only then did he realize that his hands had been hidden in his sash, only as he began to draw them out. Roman went cold.   
Purple. They were purple. Violet. Virgil colored. It covered his hands, sticky, splatter-painted gloves of blood. It was blood. And there was a lot of it.   
"I didn't think it was possible... I didn't think I would even make contact... he's um... slower than I remember..." Remus mumbled out his broken story. His voice was raw, vulnerable.   
Roman blinked down at the mattress, then back up at his brother. He felt he should be screaming, but something about the softness of Remus's tone brought the whole word down with it, made it feel as if being any louder would force what he'd said into reality.   
"Are you sure he's...?" He spoke even quieter. Remus's nostrils flared as if holding back a sob. He nodded with a single bob of his head.   
"You haven't told anyone... have you?" Remus shook his head, one left, one right, rigid. Roman paused.  
"Why are you telling me?"   
Remus's breath hitched. His stomach curled into his ribs and his shoulders hunched as his body was racked with a single, silent sob. He spoke even quieter yet, no louder than a whisper:  
"I don't know what to do... I need your help."   
Roman shook his head. "No... no, I need to tell someone, maybe Logan can help, or Patton-"  
"No! Please don't tell anyone!" Remus grabbed Roman's shoulders, taking fistfuls of his satin sleeves in trembling hands. "Please I-" His voice went soft once more. "I want to trust you. I told you because I trust you. Please don't tell them."   
Roman returned his twin's desperate stare. He couldn't, he had to get help, he couldn't do this on his own, he wasn't going to clean up Remus's mistakes. But he didn't say that. He couldn't, not while face to face with his terrified brother, his brother who was begging him for help.   
"I... Okay. You can trust me. What happened?"  
Remus gulped back the lump in his throat. "Fuck, I don't even know... I was mad, Virgil was yelling at me. there was a lot of yelling. I don't know how it happened, my weapons never do anything like THAT. I picked up... a knife. Yeah I think it was a knife, I used the knife, but before I did he said..." He swallowed back more tears.  
"He said what?" Roman's heart was racing. He squeezed his brother's hands between his.   
"He asked me... what day it was."   
Roman loosened his grip. "What? Why?"  
"Yeah, he asked me-" a thin smile built across Remus's face. He snorted and rolled his lips in on themselves, trying to hide his expression. "He asked me what the date was-" His shoulder shook with repressed giggles. Roman's mind raced to make sense of what was happening.   
"What are you-" It hit him like a bag of bricks.   
April first.   
"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" The resolve to stay strong left Roman all at once and tears poured down his face. He drew his sword and swung it at his brother, who rolled off the bed just in time. He was beside himself, howling with laughter.   
"APRIL FOoOoOLs!" He hardly managed a sing song tone through his manic fit of giggles.   
"You can't DO THAT! What the hell is WRONG with you!?"   
"You thought I KILLED VIRGIL?! How would that even WORK?!"  
"Sorry I TRUST and CARE about my brother!" Roman could tell his face was bright red.   
Remus's laughter subsided just a little at the statement. He pushed up off the floor and sat back next to Roman only to topple over and splay out across his lap.   
"Yeah, that part was unexpected." He reached up to put a hand on Roman's damp red face. "Aw c'mon, it was a JOKE. You know it's my favorite holiday!"  
Roman growled and stood suddenly, letting his twin roll off his lap and thud against the floor. He stepped over him toward the door.  
"If you don't mind I'm going to go check on Virgil for my own sanity. My FRIEND. Who I was tricked into thinking had been SUDDENLY MURDERED without my goodbye. But as long as it was FUNNY right?" He reached for the doorknob but Remus grabbed his wrist from behind.   
"Don't be like that, come on, I'm sorry!"  
"No you're not! You think I'm an idiot?! Since when have you been sorry for going too far?"  
Remus paused a second. "Alright you got me, I guess I can't say that, but- hey hey hey!" He hugged Roman around the shoulder before he could open the door. "I was caught off gaurd! And I want to have a moment!"  
Roman sighed and turned to face him. "A 'moment'?"  
"I thought the prank would be less mushy. I thought it would be more flighty stabby. But you didn't even draw your sword, what the hell was that?! I didn't think you'd be that COOL about it."  
"I wasn't 'cool about it', I was horrified! But I felt sorry for you, I didn't want to fight you over an accident that you were obviously terrified about!"  
There was silence a moment.   
"Still though... I killed Virgil, I though you'd want to maybe, yknow, kill me back."  
"Jesus, no, I wouldn't want to kill you! Especially if I though it could be somehow permanent! You're my brother you asshole! If you fucked up so bad that even you were scared, I'd help you through it." The more Roman spoke, the more he realized it was the truth, even through all the seething hatred he felt for his brother at the moment.   
"Well... maybe it was more fucked up than I thought it would be. Fighting would have been more funny than um..."  
"Extreme vulnerability and emotional trauma? You think?"  
"Yeah..." Remus plunged his sticky hand into his pocket and pulled out a cracker. He scraped it across his forearm and nibbled on the end. Roman scrunched his nose. Remus looked up and smiled. "Crofters. Did you ever notice it's the EXACT same color as Virgil's blood? I have some more stuff if you want like... bagels, Ritz..." He fished around in his pocket.   
"I'm good. But you know who WOULD want some?"  
Remus's eyes widened with terror. He looked up with a pleading expression, nearly identical to the one minutes before, when he'd asked Roman not to tell anyone.   
"You wouldn't. Come on, I'm your brother, you care about your brother don't you? You wouldn't-"  
"LOGAN, REMUS STOLE YOUR CROFTERS!"  
Remus went pale. "YOU SHITHEAD-"  
"He WHAT?!" Logan's voice boomed from across the mindscape. In mere seconds, Remus was out the door and on the run.  
Roman chuckled. Served him right. His laughter quickly died out, though, as he left after his brother and made a beeline for Virgil's room.


End file.
